You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
