she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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