Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
