11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
