Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
