i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
When are your genitals available?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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