is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
