"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
