last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
