Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
