Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
