Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
