so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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