great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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