just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
