my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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