New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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