i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
