what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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