hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
