Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
