Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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