Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
