Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
