I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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