She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
