don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
