we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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