he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Randomize
