Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
