Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
