Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
