Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
