C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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