If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
