I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
