He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
