So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
