is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
