He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
