69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
