You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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