This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
