Redeem this text for a blowjob
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
