I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
