I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
