I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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