My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
