I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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