Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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