New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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