since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
