so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
