with your own penis?
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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