You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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