i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
