EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My feet surprised me
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