I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
