Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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