Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
