i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
