If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
