Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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