but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
