Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
