Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I looked at my own cervix.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
