So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
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He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
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I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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