this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
