i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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