I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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