The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
