I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i don't like sucking hair
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
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I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
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God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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