Only a mothe r could love this liver
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
