onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
