My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
