Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
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I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
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I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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