no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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