Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
