i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
