Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
