I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
