Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
