I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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