I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
