don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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