no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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