if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
